L.L. Bean Mountain Classic Dog Parka ($24.95), 

For those who’ve never seen a Chiweenie in real life, my dog Sybil is the shining example of this nervous mixed breed. Short, squat, and prone to joint problems, Sybil is a caramel-colored Chihuahua/Dachshund mix (still waiting on those DNA results) with a high-pitched bark and a profound love of salmon. 

Like most Chiweenies, is fiercely loyal and will ferociously guard you with her compact body and needle-sharp teeth against intruders, animals, and other things she couldn’t possibly understand in the wild. When presented the chance to shower my dog with fancy food and clothes in the name of science (ish), I knew she’d give me the honest reviews I was looking for. 

Atelier Boemia Luxury Dog Collar - $64 from Pet-a-Porter

Roughly the size of a large rotisserie chicken, Sybil’s tiny frame has always made clothes shopping a hit or miss experience. Pet-á-Porter reached out to me for some help upgrading her doggy closet, and despite my worries that her petite neck would prove to be too petite for this dishy collar Moroccan Kilim fabric ($64) collar, Sybil ended up wearing it proudly like the little caramel princess she is.  

Mountain Classic Dog Parka - $24.95 from L.L. Bean 

I suspect she caught wind of my enthusiasm for her outfit addition because she immediately started barking and yipping for me to take her outside. Outfitted in the comfy LL Bean Mountain Classic Dog Parka ($24.95) she wears whenever temperatures dip below 64 degrees, I brought out some eco-friendly poop bags ($11.99) and a Dogwalkers pre-roll for a leisurely walk with my little girl. Don’t worry, Sybil was able to indulge in CBD and dog beer. 

Single Ingredient Fish Strips - $12 from Pezzy Pets 

Sybil’s gone through kind of a crazy last few years; first the pandemic, then a baby human sister, then sudden move from New York to Maine – on top of that her reflection in her metal food bowl scares the bejesus out of her every time she eats. Some of the first treats to arrive came from Pezzy Pets Treats ($12) – a company that procures crispy, crunchy, fish jerky strips from slices of the wild Mexican devil fish. Sybil went absolutely nuts for them, devouring the whole bag in two days. 

“Pezzy treats are high protein, low-calorie pet snacks that are completely clean label,” says co-founder Mike Mitchell, “but our favorite thing about Pezzy is that every bite is actually a net positive for the environment.” Pezzy Pets works with fishermen in southern Mexico to process the invasive “devil fish” which wreaks havoc in freshwater fisheries across parts of the U.S. and Mexico. 

I gotta admit, as a jerky fanatic I was this close to taking a bite but decided to hold off at the last minute just so I never have to admit to my child that I once ate dog food. 

Jiminy's Original Cricket Cookies (Peanut Butter and Blueberry) - $9.95 from Jiminy's 

Keeping along the same vein of sustainability, Sybil dug into some cricket-based treats from a company called Jiminy’s. Taking its namesake from the famous singing cartoon cricket, Jiminy’s is an interesting brand that sources its ingredients from cricket protein. While she turned her little wet nose up at the Cricket Crave Dog Food ($21.95), Sybil seemed to thoroughly enjoy the taste of these Peanut Butter & Blueberry Recipe Dog Treats ($9.95). Crickets are a natural superfood for, both, dogs and humans and are full of vitamins, minerals, and amino acids. 

Wolf Spring Food Booster (Pack of 12) - $32.49 from Wolf Spring

Wolf Spring did the seemingly impossible by being the first to create a functional beverage for dogs, which is a sentence I never thought I’d write. Packed with glucosamine, potassium, coconut water, and brussel sprouts as a source of omega-3, I mixed about a  ¼ cup of Food Booster with Sybil’s dry food and hoped for the best. It looked and smelled like purple Gatorade and, honestly, I didn’t think she’d be interested. I don’t know why I let myself be surprised by an animal that lovingly laps up her own vomit, but I was shocked by how well she responded to Wolf Spring. 

Hive Fetch Stick - $16.99 from Project Hive 

Project Hive Pet Company sources quality ingredients and sustainable materials to make thoughtfully-designed toys and treats for pups all while contributing to their ultimate mission of saving the bees.  Money from every purchase made from Project Hive Pet Company goes towards planting for the declining bee population. While Sybil mostly ignored my attempts to lure her with these Hive Training Treats ($8.99), she immediately took a liking to this Hive Fetch Stick ($16.99).

By far and wide, I can point to Ollie as Sybil’s favorite brand in this whole experiment. These guys create a highly-customized, subscription meal plan based on your dog’s tastes/diet and mail some pretty damn good-looking food made from all-natural ingredients that I would eat if things got bad. Sybil loved her special lamb dinner and seemed angry with me when I ran out of it, but hey that’s showbiz.  

Casper Dog Bed - $118.15 from Amazon

As Sybil curled up on her Casper Dog Bed ($118.15) a happier Chiweenie than ever, I felt more thankful than ever that I was able to shower my little dog with the kinds of gifts that, dare I say, forge the connection between humans and dogs more than evolution ever could.

Jeremy Glass is a freelance writer living in Vacationland with his wife, daughter, and pup. Give his website a read at candyandpizza.com.